The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The price of feeling comfortable

"Do not ignore reality in order to comfort yourself, for once you do, you make it easy for others to deceive you." - The Dragon Saphira in Christopher Paolini's book Eldest

I was listening to a CD recording of this book with my son today, and was stunned by that line. Dispite his disgruntled protests, I had to rewind and listen to it again. It's such a jarring experience when I get the feeling that the universe (my higher power?) is speaking to me from unexpected places.

The idea fit in so perfectly with a book I've just started, Harriet Lerner's "The Dance of Deception". Lerner has written this book primarily for a female audience, and deals largely with lack of truth in the female experience.

I consider myself a modern woman, as much a feminist as the average forty-something, liberal, college-educated woman might be. But as the tail end of the baby boom, and as one who had until recently felt I'd overcome my personal issues with men, I haven't immersed myself in feminist thought, literature, philosophy, psychology. Honestly, though I know there's still progress to be made, I've felt like the greatest strides of the women's movement were mostly covered by my mother's generation.

But Harriet Lerner's book is causing me to re-examine my experience, my beliefs, my assumptions and the way I've lived my life.

Since this is my Year of Self Definition, calling all of these things into question seems as good a place as any to start.

Where have I ignored reality in order to comfort myself?


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Wow, I love that line. So true.

Scribbling-Mum said...

Love quote!

My story is VERY similar to yours.

Fav. Quote: "Denial is essential if you want to keep your plans on track." {A Cat Named Darwin - book}

MargauxMeade said...

What an amazing quote! I'd add, "thus leading to much more discomfort in the future." Reading this quote on your blog is perfect timing. My husband is relapsing and for the first time I'm standing my ground when he argues that "porn isn't that big of a deal." He's said that on and off for three years and I've always aquiesced for a while. For the first time, I'm trusting my instincts. Thanks for sharing this, Woman Anonymous.

Sophie in the Moonlight said...

I cannot answer for you.

For me?
I ignored reality in order to comfort myself because Reality's arms are hard and cold. The sleepy drool on my pillow was much more soothing.

Great post. Lerner is a wonderful writer.

Willow said...

Great quote. I'm writing it down. I'll check out the book too.

Sugar said...

I just came upon your blog. While my husband suffers from a different addiction, many of our thoughts and processes are similar. I've asked myself the same question quite a bit this year: Where have I ignored reality in order to comfort myself? As I become more realistic about my life and my struggles, I find that people around me want me to go back to my rose-colored glasses. It makes them uncomfortable, but that's just too bad isn't it? This is my self-defining time, too. So glad to have met a kindred spirit...