The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Forgive but can't forget?

A good article:

I've been struggling with this issue of getting past the past lately. Don't know why it's coming up now, more than two years out. But healing from sex addiction and betrayal has its own timeline, and while I can work hard, and I can watch Husband working hard, I've learned I can't put a date on when I'll be "healed."


MargauxMeade said...

Thanks for sharing this article, Woman A. It was interesting to me because my husband acted very much like the man in the article--acting as though I should just forget about all his acting out and really doing nothing to prove himself trustworthy. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't continue a relationship with someone who wouldn't or couldn't take responsibility for himself. However, I also realized that I needed to take responsibility for myself and that meant working on forgiveness (for the benefit of my OWN sanity). If we sit around and wait for someone else to make amends to us, we'll spend years--possibly a lifetime--poisoning ourselves with anger and only hurting ourselves.

MargauxMeade said...

P.S. But, yes, cultivating forgiveness is A LOT of work. There's no snapping one's fingers and forgiving. It's a process and not one we can totally control.

woman.anonymous7 said...

Margaux - Your comment reminds me that I can focus on forgiving as a way out of this current funk. I'm going to do some reading / meditating / praying on forgiveness. I really believe, as you said, that the benefit of forgiveness is my OWN sanity. Thanks for writing.

MargauxMeade said...

Since you mentioned meditation, there's a really wonderful guided meditation I do that's been helping me with forgiveness. It's Deepak Chopra's "The Soul of Healing Meditations" and it's fantastic.