The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Don't waste a crisis?

"A good crisis is a terrible thing to waste" was the theme for the service at church today.

That concept holds great meaning for me now, and reminds me how far I've come.

It's often said (incorrectly) that the Chinese word for crisis is composed of two characters, one meaning "danger" and the other meaning "opportunity." While that isn't exactly true, I think the misunderstanding has survived over time because it resonates with people who have experienced crisis.

The crisis in my relationship has certainly been an opportunity for dramatic personal growth for which I am more thankful and grateful each day.

It was suggested today that when we find ourselves complaining it's because we haven't found a way to see the opportunity. I'm going to try to remember that in my interactions with my mother. Because of the level of co-dependency and enmenshment, our relationship has deteriorated over the years. But I don't want that for us. My mother is doing the best she can, even when she's driving me crazy and being passive aggressive and nutty in her own special way. I know I drive her crazy, too.

It's only because of therapy, reading and attending support groups over the past year and a half that I am able to see the source of our difficulties.

Understanding that and being able to observe myself participating in our enmeshed, co-dependent mess of a relationship gives me at least the opportunity to act instead of react. I'm not very good at it yet, but the possibility is there now where it wasn't before.

The last thing I want is for Mom and I to grow farther apart as she gets older. As a parent, that is certainly the last thing I'd want for me and my son. And right now, I'm the one with the better set of tools, so it's going to be up to me to meet my mom more than half way.

It will take nothing less than the support / guidance of my higher power / higher self / universal consciousness / love-beauty-intelligence - whatever you call it - to practice this, so thank god I'm beginning to have some sort of spiritual life to draw on for this daunting task!

1 comment:

Sophie in the Moonlight said...

A good crisis is a terrible thing to waste

THIS is going by my bathroom mirror (a place of high honor, I assure you)

Best of wishes for you and your mom. Mother/daughter relationships can be fraught with misunderstandings. It's wonderful that you are grabbing your toolbox and heading her way.