The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Good News, Bad News

Looks like Husband might get a job offer. However the company is located about a mile and a half (4 mins according to Google maps) from the strip club he frequented as part of his activity with prostitutes.

Part of me isn't worried. He's a changing man with a lot of support. But part of me is terrified. I think one of the hotels where he had at least one encounter with a prosititue is also about the same distance away from his maybe-soon-to-be office.

I'm happy for him, but I also scared and pissed off that he lied to me so now I have these kinds of concerns.

Wishing for a different past again. In other words, fear is hindering healing and forgiveness. But it's hard not to be afraid since I've been lied to, because both Husband's word and my own intuition have failed me in the past.

I'm so glad we have therapy coming up so I can bring this up in a safe environment.

Husband is showing further signs of growth. Today he caught himself getting upset and resentful about something that didn't warrant it. He saw it almost instantly, told me about it and we talked a bit. He apologized for all the times in the past when he might have done the same thing and caused me pain. He's so much more aware than he was before all this. And taking responsibility for his response to things.

That's more good news.


thejunkyswife said...

Yuck to the yucky feelings, but I'm glad he might be getting a job and glad you've got therapy coming up to deal with your feelings.

I am afraid of my own similar feelings, because I am afraid that they aren't going to go away. Ever. Not just in my relationship with my husband, but with anyone. It's hard to trust anyone when you can't trust yourself to know what's real...

Rae said...

I echo JW's thoughts -- sorry to hear about the yucky feelings, but glad to hear that Husband may be getting a new job. I hope it's something that will work out for everyone. I have to remember sometimes that my Higher Power has bigger plans than I can understand.

Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Yes. It's as if the past -- the disease -- taints places, even areas, for me. Like everyone else, I'm glad about the job, sorry about the flashbacks it brings.