The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

You must pay!

Over the last few days I've been having that nagging feeling again that somehow Husband is getting away with something. Not something new, but all the stuff he did when he was lying to me.

I know he feels like he's dealing with a lot because he's realizing how deeply screwed up he is, but he'll probably never know what it's like to have his context for life shredded, to doubt the world and everything in it to such a profound extent.

And he'll never know what it takes to stay with him. It's my choice, but it's challenging in ways I'm sure he'll never imagine.

So sometimes I find myself wondering how he's going to pay for this.

Ultimately, his path is his path and my path is mine, and we each have our own lessons and growth. That I understand.

But these thoughts and feelings do come up still.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Darn! Why is it that all of my comments are the same -- Me Too! I've really found myself wanting empathy from my husband for what I've gone through. He probably wants the same from me though. Sigh!

FI0NA said...

I absolutely understand that feeling. I was being lied to by my SAB over a year ago, but I can't shake the feeling that he did more than be unfaithful... in that lying he deeply and utterly disrespected me, and I still want to make him pay. I am either mad or a saint to stay with him