The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Daily practice is important for me

I've been a fog of depression and indecisiveness for the past week. I think I've been re-traumatized by re-experiencing betrayal. But it dawned on me today that this fog could probably have been avoided if I had not stopped going to Anon meetings. 

Come to think of it, if I'd been going to meetings, I probably wouldn't have accepted Husbands lies, or neglected to speak up when I thought something was off.

Things were feeling on such an even keel that I was trying to spend more time with Son, and to focus more on work, so I let meetings slide. Not because I felt finished or "cured" but because it just seemed like a good idea to do other important things, too.

But since I've not been maintaining any daily spiritual or recovery practices, I'm now ill-prepared for weathering this current situation. I'm lacking the clarity that daily practices provide. I don't know if it's because I didn't go up going to church, or because I grew up with parents who both have issues with authority, but for some reason I think I'm resisting the need for daily spiritual and recovery practices. But now that I see the folly in this, these things can become part of my self-care, like exercise and eating healthily, like spending time with family and friends, like flossing and brushing.

The thing that comes to mind is that I'm afraid I won't have enough time for work. My priorities are all messed up. Work is important, because I need to help support our family. But it can't be the focus of my life, especially because I'm not satisfied in my job and I'm only getting paid for a part-time schedule right now.

I'm glad to be back to writing because it's helping me sort our some important things.

Note to self: GO TO MEETINGS!

2 comments:

BLAZER PROPHET said...

Support groups are invaluable. There are also many daily devotional books to read. I suggest Grace For The Moment by Max Lucado.

Eat My Scabs said...

agreed. definitely go to meetings, they save my sanity.