Feelings

In couples therapy, the Addict told me that the safest place for him to be in our marriage was low status. I was so shocked by this, because this is not what I ever wanted. I've always felt that he gave me too much power and that this was a big part of why we had trouble communicating.

I feel sad and scared and hopeless. Sad in my heart and eyes, scared in my chest, hopeless in my chest. I'm afraid that I'm so resented and so defined as so many awful things that I will never be seen as what I want to be - pure love and support. That's what I wish I could have been. I don't know what is wrong with me that I can't see. Am I just obliviously selfish and self-righteous? I don't know. I don't think so, but this is what I'm being told. And the resentment I feel coming toward me hurts and scares me. I'm afraid I'm not loved, or not loved completely, not loved in a way where I'll be safe.