I have pinpointed the trust issue

Tonight I realized that what is between me and Husband is that I don't trust the moment. Or that I'm afraid to trust the moment. I'm afraid to trust what I think is happening in the moment between Husband and me, because I trusted so completely before and he betrayed me for so long and about something so basic.

And the thing that concerns me is that I don't see how I can ever get that back. I want to trust him. I want more than anything to feel the connection I felt before. But I can't imagine it now.

So I will keep praying and meditating (and going to therapy and trying to connect with and express my feelings of anger) and see where that gets me.