The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Still catching up with the rest of life

There should be family leave for when you find out about betrayal and infidelity. Actually, as I was going through the worst of it, it never occurred to me to not go to work. Not that I was able to be very productive. But now it's very stressful trying to catch up for the months when I couldn't do much. And of course, I can't say anything to anybody...I just look like I'm bad at my job.

Things continue to go well with Husband's recovery. He's nearing 6 months at OA and SAA. I was going to write, "at least I think so." But I realized today that I've decided that if something is not right, I am going to know. I'm sick of wondering if I'll know if he lies about something; sick of worrying that things he says might not be true. I think they are. And I've decided that as a smart, adult woman who is now much more tuned in, who accepts the way the world can be in a way I never did before, I will know. Thoughts and worries come up, but most times I find myself responding with, "No, I don't have to worry. I'll know. I will know."

Something that's been on my mind this week is where love turns into need, and how those two things are or are not intertwined. I can't write anymore at this moment because I'm sick with stomach flu, but that's what's on my mind. How to have love, and not have it turn into some kind of need. It's not a sorted out thought yet, so I have no idea what the answer will be for me.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Stomach flu! Ick! I'd give you some virtual hugs, but I don't want to get that close. ;)

I do think you will be able to tell from his growth whether or not he is going to meetings regularly.

Crystal said...

I do not think you will be able to tell. I think that is something betrayed spouses like to tell themselves, but in actuality most liars get away with it. The "feeling" that our intuition will tell us is in the majority of cases dead wrong!

I personally believe in independent verification. And so do all of the posters at who have been through this many times.