Helpful notes from couples therapy

Here's what I need to remember from couples therapy yesterday:

HOW TO TALK PRODUCTIVELY WITH HUSBAND ABOUT PROBLEMS
When you ____ I feel (mad, glad, sad, ashamed, afraid - pick one) and what I make up about that is _____.

When you get to the core of them, most negative feelings come from one of two places:
1. I'm afraid I won't be safe
2. I'm afraid I won't be seen or heard for who I am

WHERE I SPEAK AND THINK FROM
I see the world and listen through the perspective that no matter what, there is always going to be something better than me. (Don't know how I got this belief - need to investigate with my therapist.)

I filter out what is
a. positive, because it feels like that feedback is covering up people's real thoughts and feelings (there's something better than her)
b. not true from my perspective (even in reaction to other people's feelings - for example, if Husband says he feels like I don't care about him, in the past I've ignored that because I know that I do care about him)

It's unlikely that I can rid myself completely of this ingrained perspective, but now that I'm aware I can make a different choice when I notice myself coming from this position.