Was at Hancock Park today with my son, and realized that Los Angeles will forever have reminders for me: The Park La Brea apartments where Husband met one prostitute, the Sepulveda corridor where he met prostitutes at several different hotels, and the massage parlor right around the block from our old apartment in Santa Monica where he had his first hand job from a masseuse there.
That first hand job, by the way, was the line that he crossed that got him to intercourse with prostitutes. At some point, when I asked him about crossing these lines, he said that the rationalization was something like, "well, I've already had a hand job," then "well, I've already had a blow job," then "well I've already had sex with a prostitute once and it didn't affect my relationship" etc.
I wish I could go back in time and erase that day. But given what I know now, I know there would just have been another day like that. I think this path was somewhat inevitable for him, and I guess for us.
He got his 60 day chip from SAA last night.
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This is an open journal of my experience coping with infidelity and sex addiction. Or...What To Expect When You Weren't Expecting.
Resources
- What is sex addiction?
- Dr. Patrick Carnes' Web Site
- Sex, Love and Addiction - Dr Rob Weiss Podcast
- Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.
- Don't Call It Love by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.
- Seeking Integrity
- The Center for Healthy Sex
- S-Anon spouse/partner/family support group
- Co-SLAA spouse/partner/family support group
- CoSA spouse/partner/family support group
- When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
- The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron
- No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh
- Writings of Anthony de Mello, SJ
- Not Always So: Practicing the True Spirit of Zen by Shunryu Suzuki
- Surviving Infidelity by Rona B. Subotnik
- After the Affair by Janis A. Spring
- The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
Blog Archive
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2007
(166)
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August
(20)
- Invasive thoughts persist
- I got asked out on a date
- How infidelity could be a good thing
- Getting past lies (or not)
- A Wedding and An Existential Crisis
- Insecurities flourishing
- Better after therapy
- Feeling deeply lonely
- Struggling today
- Overwhelmed again by sadness
- Realizations about betrayal
- Delayed response to disclosure
- My disclosure letter to Husband
- Disclosure went ok
- Husband traveling
- More anxiety and invasive thoughts
- Disclosure this Saturday
- Invasive Thoughts
- A good 4 days
- Reminders
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August
(20)
About Me
- woman.anonymous7
- Woman. Late 50s. In a committed relationship with Husband for 34 years. Married in 1997. Husband started seeking out lap dances to orgasm around 1994/95, hand jobs and blow job from prostitutes around 2001 when I was pregnant. Intercourse with prostitutes began in 2003, and was discovered for the first time June 1, 2007.
The Point of Marriage
"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky." - Rainer Maria Rilke
Posts
3 comments:
I discovered your blog yesterday and read every entry. I'm about 3 weeks behind you in my discovery of my husband's affair. I feel everything you're feeling and wonder how I'm going to get through it - minute by minute. My biggest worry right now is my seemingly total disconnect with my children. I can't stay present for longer than a minute and it makes me really sad. Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm keeping this blog for exactly this reason - to share with others who find themselves facing something similar. I want people to find comfort, know they're not crazy and know they're not alone.
I don't want to get into the habit of offering advice or opinions here, but because I can imagine your pain with respect to your disconnect with your kids, I will say this: Reach out, get support, and don't try to handle it alone.
I'm so glad to know that my sharing has been helpful to you in some way. I wish you strength and courage on your own journey.
I have. We both have individual therapists as well as a couple's therapist. All 3 are very helpful. We also recently completed a 3 day workshop in Imago Therapy. We both believe it sped up our recovery by months. Still, it's sometimes minute by minute but having tools to work with helps immensely and I see light and can begin breathing again. Thanks.
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