The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


Was at Hancock Park today with my son, and realized that Los Angeles will forever have reminders for me: The Park La Brea apartments where Husband met one prostitute, the Sepulveda corridor where he met prostitutes at several different hotels, and the massage parlor right around the block from our old apartment in Santa Monica where he had his first hand job from a masseuse there.

That first hand job, by the way, was the line that he crossed that got him to intercourse with prostitutes. At some point, when I asked him about crossing these lines, he said that the rationalization was something like, "well, I've already had a hand job," then "well, I've already had a blow job," then "well I've already had sex with a prostitute once and it didn't affect my relationship" etc.

I wish I could go back in time and erase that day. But given what I know now, I know there would just have been another day like that. I think this path was somewhat inevitable for him, and I guess for us.

He got his 60 day chip from SAA last night.


Stefanie said...

I discovered your blog yesterday and read every entry. I'm about 3 weeks behind you in my discovery of my husband's affair. I feel everything you're feeling and wonder how I'm going to get through it - minute by minute. My biggest worry right now is my seemingly total disconnect with my children. I can't stay present for longer than a minute and it makes me really sad. Thanks for sharing your story.

woman.anonymous7 said...

I'm keeping this blog for exactly this reason - to share with others who find themselves facing something similar. I want people to find comfort, know they're not crazy and know they're not alone.

I don't want to get into the habit of offering advice or opinions here, but because I can imagine your pain with respect to your disconnect with your kids, I will say this: Reach out, get support, and don't try to handle it alone.

I'm so glad to know that my sharing has been helpful to you in some way. I wish you strength and courage on your own journey.

Stefanie said...

I have. We both have individual therapists as well as a couple's therapist. All 3 are very helpful. We also recently completed a 3 day workshop in Imago Therapy. We both believe it sped up our recovery by months. Still, it's sometimes minute by minute but having tools to work with helps immensely and I see light and can begin breathing again. Thanks.