So many kinds of sadness

I have told you a lot about the grief I feel regarding the loss I am experiencing. I have not told you as much about the sadness. I am so deeply sad about the lying and betrayal. I do not think I ever lied to you. Because lying creates distance and separation. If you felt distance and separation in our relationship, consider that it may have been your lies to me over and over again that were the source of that. And regarding each and every time you had sex with another person, I have only given myself to you. And all of those parts you gave of yourself when you had sex with them were parts that should have been given to me. Based on our vows. Based on our relationship. Based on love mutual respect and trust. Based on tour word after the last time we went through this. So many moments that should have been shared with me were given instead to other people and that gives me such deep pain. And I can see from the bank records that there have been so many. Even more than last time. Which is just so hard to believe considering everything we have been through. Nobody in my life has hurt me as much as you have. And over such a long sustained period of time.I cannot understand what I ever did to you for you to be OK with treating me like this.