Learning more about anger

Two weeks ago in couples therapy I realized that it's been very difficult for me to identify when I was angry.

Husband always said that when he was angry, in my world there was something wrong with him; and when I was angry, in my world view there was something wrong with the world.

That makes sense to me given what I've learned about myself.

I've always gotten really angry about people not following the rules and getting away with it. Our therapist suggested that it's because I try so hard to follow those rules, and give myself (or others) little room to make mistakes.

And I think there's some of that feeling involved in my relationship wit Husband now. I think I'm angry because I followed the rules (didn't have sex with others even though I'd been attracted to others and had opportunity; didn't lie) and he didn't, and now he's sort of "getting away with it" because I haven't told our friends and family, ruined his reputation as a "good guy," divorced him, taken everything he has and cut him off from his son. All of which I could easily have done.

But something I read on Kellee's blog in her Pearls of Wisdom post about forgiveness resonated with me:

*Forgiveness: Giving up the need for a better past.

*If you focus on where you're going instead of where you came from, you can move toward a truly & fully conscious life.

And in the moments I feel compassion and forgiveness, I also feel more conscious and peaceful and not afraid.