The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Learning more about anger

Two weeks ago in couples therapy I realized that it's been very difficult for me to identify when I was angry.

Husband always said that when he was angry, in my world there was something wrong with him; and when I was angry, in my world view there was something wrong with the world.

That makes sense to me given what I've learned about myself.

I've always gotten really angry about people not following the rules and getting away with it. Our therapist suggested that it's because I try so hard to follow those rules, and give myself (or others) little room to make mistakes.

And I think there's some of that feeling involved in my relationship wit Husband now. I think I'm angry because I followed the rules (didn't have sex with others even though I'd been attracted to others and had opportunity; didn't lie) and he didn't, and now he's sort of "getting away with it" because I haven't told our friends and family, ruined his reputation as a "good guy," divorced him, taken everything he has and cut him off from his son. All of which I could easily have done.

But something I read on Kellee's blog in her Pearls of Wisdom post about forgiveness resonated with me:

*Forgiveness: Giving up the need for a better past.

*If you focus on where you're going instead of where you came from, you can move toward a truly & fully conscious life.

And in the moments I feel compassion and forgiveness, I also feel more conscious and peaceful and not afraid.

1 comment:

Kellee said...

Same, same, same for me about the rules stuff. Oh my! The rules still send me around the bend! I am a STICKLER for rules. And it pisses me off to no end when I follow the rules & others don't. Wow.

Then, I normally get hit between the eyes with some sort of lesson on grace. And about how it costs nothing and everyone deserves it. When I finally admitted out loud that I want grace for myself & judgment for others, it was scary but in a strange way freeing.

Still working on this one, but thanks to my new-found definition on forgiveness, it gets a little bit easier. Not totally there yet but working on it.