The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Monday, December 24, 2007

On a positive note...a sign of my growth

When I was confronting Husband about his Internet activity yesterday I said something mean like, "Why don't you just go and get a job at fucking Burger King if you need to keep yourself busy?!"

So angry he could barely get the words out, he sputtered, "Judgement is the enemy of honesty!" My mind went, "Huh?" but I think I retreated a bit. We talked more and I told him I was scared and angry and needed time to be those things and that I'd be understanding later. He agreed.

But after some thinking time I realized that his retort had piqued my spidey sense because it put the responsibility for his honesty on me! So I told him later that evening what I thought about that statement, and that I refused to accept that responsibility. "What I think is that cowardice is the enemy of honesty," I said. Able to be more rational now that he was out of his immediate reaction to conflict and to the possibility of losing me, he apologized and said I had every right to reject responsibility for his honesty.

So it's good. Some shit just ain't gonna work on me anymore. That's progress.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Sounds like you are both growing. Yay!

Anonymous said...

Good for you! We've been down that same exact road (more than a few times). It's never fun - but Ricky is realizing what he's doing when he makes quips like that (and apologizing for it) quicker every time. I look forward to them stopping completely, of course - but find that times like this are when I need to remind myself of the "progress - not perfection" mantra.

The Hurting Heart

Anonymous said...

Good for you! We go through the same thing... I do find that Ricky is realizing that he's doing that (and apologizing) quicker every time it happens. Hopefully, it'll stop completely soon but, in the meantime, I remind myself constantly - "progress - not perfection".

The Hurting Heart