More Christmas shopping today - bricks and mortar instead of online. A reaction to yesterday? I don't know.
Anyway, I decided to buy myself Melody Beattie's book The Grief Club because I'd had some inkling that I was still holding onto unresolved grief.
I read the sentence, "Yeah, it really does hurt to watch alcohol destroy our love." and I break down sobbing. (On my trusty treadmill again, thank god.) Grief washes over me as I realize we're dealing with addictions and compulsions that do have that power to destroy - even something that feels as profound and deep and basic to life as the love we've shared.
Beattie's book deals not just with grief from loss of a loved one, but grief from life's major losses. I'm on chapter 2 and so far it resonates with the journey I'm on.
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Early on, someone told me that I might want to seek out grief counseling to help deal with my husband's addiction. And I realized I really was grieving a huge loss and I did have to deal with that. I think grief has been the dominant emotion for me in all of this.
For me the biggest thing I had to grieve was the loss of the fantasy that I thought I had. From what I've read about you, I have a feeling that may be your case as well.
Most girls are brought up with the ridiculous,unattainable "prince charming complex" (you know...how some prince on a white horse is going to come along & rescue us?). I can honestly say now though that I'm one of the lucky ones. I think most all of us going thru this addiction are lucky (depending on how you look at it of course & at what point you're at in recovery). See, we get the honest to God truth that no one on this earth is perfect. And when we do get that realization, we HAVE to grieve its' passing.
Just my humble opinion...take what you like & leave the rest.
http://crossingmybridge.blogspot.com/
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