This time by Husband.
Part of all of this re-creation and re-choosing felt to me like we needed some re-getting-to-know-you time. So I told him I wanted to date again. Him.
Time where he plans everything (takes the risk of making a plan for us without consulting me, which I know scares him - I suspected as much and he said today that he is terrified I'll be disappointed) and I just go and we discover each other again. I'm going to ask him out, too. I need this kind of time with him. Time to look into his eyes with the full knowledge I have of him, the full acceptance of him as a flawed human being who could hurt me again, and to choose him again. To look into his eyes and say yes to the risk, yes to the unknown.
And then to learn to live my life in this way. Saying yes to the risks I take with him, and the risks could I take everywhere else.
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2 comments:
It's hard, but if you mean it, then what else is there to do?
I found this idea too frightening myself. I was tempted to try it before I found out about the addiction, when I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what. Now it's something I would have done in another life and can't do now.
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