The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Another high anxiety day

Don't know why. Actually reverted to checking cell phone records.

My therapist said that it's very normal for codependency to slip into high gear when someone who needs to be in control (me) experiences a lack of control (my life.)

Since I'm having this existential shift in which I'm coming to terms with the fact that almost nothing in life is within my control except me, and that almost everything except the present moment is unknown or unimportant, it's not really surprising that I have little freak outs like I did today.

I still feel edgy and I feel a pit in my stomach.

I'm going to exercize. Hopefully that will get the happy chemicals flowing and I'll feel better.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Hope you are feeling better. This week I've been tempted for the first time in years to check cell phone records and e-mail -- and doing so seems to make sense, when it didn't before -- so, I know I'm going a little crazy. Yep, it sure does happen when life starts to feel out of control...

Mantramine said...

My husband has 2 months clean from heroin. 3 months marks his usual relapse time. It's hard not to look for it, wait for it, let go of it.

viva CF

Crystal said...

Why is it crazy to want to check up on a known liar and cheater who put your health and life at risk? I just don't get that.