The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

More sex, fewer orgasms

Another thing I've noticed is that while we have more sex, and we're both so much more present (except for me when I have those invasive thoughts), but I have fewer orgasms.

I used to regularly have orgasms from intercourse, which I preferred to oral sex. Husband loves to give oral sex - always has. And now we do that a lot more. And I can have orgasms from that. But I still prefer the intimacy of an orgasm with my body connected to the length of his body, our lips pressing together, our arms wrapped around each other. But that doesn't happen anymore, at least not without Husband or me providing extra stimulation.

I did have orgasms from intercourse immediately after I found out, when I was in a heightened sexual state (probably from the wacky, fear and anxiety induced chemicals coursing through my body at the time.)

My ability to have orgasms during intercourse is something I miss and want back. It feels like a part of my sexuality has deserted me. I can't pinpoint the cause (generally, of course, I get it), but I hope it works itself out.


Crystal said...

Perhaps because you just don't feel close to him like you used to?

Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how happy I am to have come across your blog tonight... I'm about 3 months behind you, it seems - learning about my husbands' addiction just under 30 days ago. While I am sad for you and your situation, it's comforting for me to know that I'm not alone.

I am sorry to hear that you aren't able to have an orgasm during intercourse right now. (Secretly, though, I'm encourged that you're even having sex - hah! Maybe there's hope for us yet!) I would be willing to bet that true intimacy, feelings of emotional connection and trust have more to do with what you are experiencing (or - rather - not experiencing) right now and that your sexuality has NOT "deserted" you. Hang in there and keep at it!

I've put a link to your blog on mine - I hope you don't mind. (Just let me know if you do and I'll remove it.)

I wish you the best and look forward to following your story!