The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Friday, September 14, 2007

I'm sick of hearing that men are likely to be unfaithful

It may be true but it pisses me off every time I hear statistics about men being so much more likely to commit infidelity than women. What is the source of that? Perhaps it's purely the animal instinct to ensure the persistence of the species, but since as humans we have a higher consciousness I don't think that explains it all.

I think the media conveys messages that male infidelity is normal, that the male sexual appetite is beyond control, and that the way to be successful as a woman is to please men (have big breasts, be thin, be sexy, smell good, feel good to the touch, etc.) I think our culture encourages excess, and the idea that we can have it all (for example sex with our partners and sex on the side, too.) Finally, I'm beginning to think that the idea that prostitution is a path and not a problem is wrong.

I'm a liberal across the board, and I used to view the decision to be a prostitute as a personal choice. But just as we as a society try to help other less fortunate and disadvantaged groups (homeless, mentally ill, addicted, impoverished, etc), I think we need to offer more help to prostitutes to get out of that way of life. If healthy, well adjusted adult women were becoming prostitutes, I'd say it's not my business. But statistics show that most women who become prostitutes are victims of physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse, most often beginning in childhood. What could make the difference? Lots of things, starting with basics like better child care, better health care, better public education and a government that supports families with policies rather than slogans, or a society that encourages us to care for our fellow human beings rather than to look out for Number One.

I'm getting way off the subject of my blog and this post is too long, but I'm mad about how the culture I live in gives such mixed, confusing messages about sexuality and gender. There are no easy answers, but discussion and awareness are at least a starting point.


lara said...

AMEN TO THAT. So waht if man are likely to be unfaithful that doesnt mean I should be marred to one.

Anonymous said...

I commented on a more recent post and now I'm going through the archives. I feel like I could have written any of this. I've had this exact same experience with feeling angry about the stats.

Like, what? Men are engineered for cheating? And that makes it ok? Men are also engineered to hunt and kill and protect their territory by any means possible, and to rape if they aren't finding a willing female to impregnate, but we've made those things culturally and socially unacceptable now. Why? Because we've EVOLVED!