The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Talking with my friend about infidelity

A girlfriend told me today that she'd passed up an opportunity to have an affair. We were talking about grief over getting older, choices and needing to figure out what to do with the rest of our lives.

Something that stood out for me was how we sometimes think about doing things that we wouldn't really do, or things that conflict with each other, and why we do that. Because I've been doing a lot of that kind of thinking. (I still have moments when I'm convinced I should go out and have casual sex with other men.)

As we talked I realized that even for the rash things we think about, there are valid underlying reasons why we're having those thoughts, and the valid underlying reasons should not be overlooked, dismissed or otherwise invalidated no matter how rash the impulses.

Invalidating thoughts and feelings is what got Husband where he is, he and I where we are, and what makes sorting everything out so confusing for me. I have all sorts of conflicting thoughts, desires, urges and instincts (running, revenge, forgiving and forgetting, hurting him, loving him, etc). I realized that I can't discount any of them, but really need to look to the origin of all of them to get somewhere healthy, somewhere that I really might want to be.


Anonymous said...

Hi Anonymous Woman:)It's Dia from you me us and them or is it them and us hmmm anyway my other blog is called Thriving Even After and it's on I haven't written a whole lot on it,just some background stuff really but your comment made me write a little something last night that I have to finish and publish.Like you I am using this blog to make sense of the last few years.I wish you peace and love,Dia

woman.anonymous7 said...

Thanks for writing, Dia. I look forward to reading your blog.