The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

What's the point?

I've realized this morning that it's not a sadness, but more a feeling of what's the point. From time to time I get this feeling. I have trouble understanding the point of my life if this is what it has lead to. Not that I'm feeling suicidal - with kids that's just not an option, and I just don't feel inclined to that kind of action. But I feel depressed because I see stretching before me a life of going through the motions maybe.

I remind myself that being Son's mom is one of the most important roles I can have, and that gives me purpose. But the relationship that inspired me doesn't exist right now. That's disorienting.

I feel weak for needing/wanting this relationship I thought I had before so badly, and I feel like I should be over this by now. It's an old story. It's a common story. I feel like I should be getting over it. But I'm not. Feeling guilty for feeling shitty. Isn't that pathetic?!

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