Once again, I can't believe this is my life

Sitting at my desk trying to work, I can't believe this is my life - having to endure the absence of all the things the Addict provided, because he provided so much: love, physical affection, fun, support, intellectual stimulation, quiet companionship, humor, shared interests and activities, and more.  SO MUCH is missing in my life now. I still have good friends, loving family, physical safety and security. I  have activities and pursuits, curtailed as they are by the pandemic. But the love, care and companionship that nourished my soul most profoundly are missing. In their place: a deep, deep pain.

It has been 18 days since the Addict moved out. I have a terrible memory, but I think that is the longest we've been apart since we've been married (24.5 years).  I want so badly to just get a hug from him, to feel again how I felt in his embrace, just for a few minutes. We were always very physically affectionate. The lack of contact is extremely hard to bear. It was sustenance.