The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

A bit of a rough day

Thinking about my husband running his hands over another woman's body. Looking into her eyes and thinking how beautiful they are. (I know he did this because he wrote about how gorgeous one of the prostitutes' eyes were in one of the reviews.)

Today we were talking about how I look back and think of my experience of our relationship as on in which I felt totally happy and safe. Husband thinks I only remember the good stuff because I didn't seem so happy to him, and he certainly wasn't. He said he feels scared, angry and sad when I talk about wanting to have what we had before. And I understand, because what I thought "we" had, only I had, and Husband contends that even I didn't have that. I don't know...

I realized that what I really want to go back to is that time before I could feel my husband's contempt and resentment toward me, and to the time when I could stake my life on his word.

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