The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Unexpected feelings

Walking on the treadmill tonight reading in Contrary to Love about co-dependency, and began wondering if Husband was really attending all his meetings. Then I read the sentence about history allowing for the loving confidence that trust can be present and started to cry.

I miss the man I could trust, who made me feel so safe in that way, so safe in the love and the relationship we'd built over all the years.

I'm scared that the line that was crossed can be crossed again much more easily next time. Will he cross over into women he doesn't have to pay to be with?

After all these years of building what I thought was a loving, trusting relationship that was rare in its honesty, clarity, and depth; after almost 2 decades of growing this delicate but strong bond, this is what I have to show for it?

I've been with Husband for almost half my entire life. How can I ever have anything rivaling what I know we had at some point with anybody else? How can I ever have that again with him?

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