I'm now someone who sees a therapist.

The alcohol has finally begun to take effect and it’s such a relief. I had to fly to Sacramento today for a business meeting. For some reason, it was a bad day for holding myself together. I don’t know why. All through the meeting I felt like I might throw up. And as soon as I got outside and had some privacy I was overcome by emotion. I was overwhelmed by sadness because didn’t want to go home. I wanted to fly back to LA to the life I had before Friday night. I didn’t want to return to what I have now.

My last post was cut short because the first therapy session in my almost 43 years of life began. It was a relief in a way to tell everything to someone. I’ve realized that I don’t have anyone here to talk to because I’ve made the decision not to tell anyone about what’s going on. I think there would be a reaction of outrage and disgust and other negative things, and I don’t want to create these conversations and then have to fight them as I work to repair our relationship. But that leaves me alone, with nobody to talk to. Nora and Marcie have been calling me, but they are not here, and we leave a lot of messages for each other. One of our mutual friends here knows, and I may call him. But he is dealing with his own marriage crisis coincidentally, so it doesn’t seem right to lean on him too heavily.