The alcohol has finally begun to take effect and it’s such a relief. I had to fly to Sacramento today for a business meeting. For some reason, it was a bad day for holding myself together. I don’t know why. All through the meeting I felt like I might throw up. And as soon as I got outside and had some privacy I was overcome by emotion. I was overwhelmed by sadness because didn’t want to go home. I wanted to fly back to LA to the life I had before Friday night. I didn’t want to return to what I have now.
My last post was cut short because the first therapy session in my almost 43 years of life began. It was a relief in a way to tell everything to someone. I’ve realized that I don’t have anyone here to talk to because I’ve made the decision not to tell anyone about what’s going on. I think there would be a reaction of outrage and disgust and other negative things, and I don’t want to create these conversations and then have to fight them as I work to repair our relationship. But that leaves me alone, with nobody to talk to. Nora and Marcie have been calling me, but they are not here, and we leave a lot of messages for each other. One of our mutual friends here knows, and I may call him. But he is dealing with his own marriage crisis coincidentally, so it doesn’t seem right to lean on him too heavily.
The Beginning of Something Else
On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.
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