More thoughts to my husband

My final thought for the night, which I put into another email to husband:

I was thinking about the whole money thing, and how you've been totalling prostitute and other paid sex fees against my old production company and trips to Seattle and Sundance. It seems so unlike you, because you are the one who has liberated me, as much as I am, from conversations of scarcity. And again I realized that it was not about the money, but about you not being considered, not being counted. I am sorry for that. It was not intentional, please believe that. But the impact was the same. You were not considered when I made these plans. You were not counted. Another form of not being heard. And I'm sorry for doing that, and for the feelings of hurt and anger that created. My commitment to you, as we work through the issues we're facing, is that I'll show you with my actions that you are considered, that you count, that you are important to me. Because you are. You have always been. I'm sorry that I didn't give you the experience of knowing how important you have been in my life. You were source for me. Not as a responsibility, but as your gift to me and mine to you. That is what I'd like to work toward - that we are source for each other - if that works for you. Your gift to me, and mine to you.