The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

More about STD testing

Sitting in the doctor's office waiting to take my tests, I couldn't help but think about the "what ifs." I consider it highly unlikely that I'm infected with anything, but if you'd asked me 12 days ago if I thought there was a chance my husband was sleeping with prostitutes for the past 4 1/2 years, I'd have considered that highly unlikely as well. I've learned that the unexpected does, indeed, happen.

I still feel like I'm in a dreamlike space. Like I'm watching a bad Lifetime movie. I was thinking today about how my world view has forever been changed. I had trust, deeper than I have words to describe. And now I have doubts about the wisdom of that kind of trust. But I guess when I had that state of being, I had it. So maybe the thing to take from that is that something is there until it's gone. But the fact that it's gone doesn't mean that it wasn't there, and that it wasn't true in those moments. Whether or not it's wise to trust may simply depend on the moment, and may be a non-linear thing. Hm.

I realize that I've had a similar experience with betrayal in my life when my Dad took off to "find himself" but told us that he was leaving the country to be treated for cancer. He went camping one weekend and didn't come back. My poor uncle returned with the story, which my mother eventually discovered to be untrue. Another secret life. I don't know if that one cut so deeply, but it must have been close. I've either healed or blocked it out. I prefer to believe I've healed.

So if you need to go for STD testing in a situation like this, be prepared to give blood for the HIV/AIDS, Herpes and Syphilis tests; and you'll have something similar to a pap smear to collect specimins for the HPV, Chlamydia and Gonorreah tests.

You can visit the CDC site on sexually transmitted diseases for more info.

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