The Beginning of Something Else

On June 1, 2007 I found out my husband and partner of almost two decades had been unfaithful to me since before our marriage, and had been having intercourse with prostitutes for 3 1/2 years. This is what happened next.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Things are feeling better

I almost want to say getting back to normal, although that seems absurd. I'm sitting in the Sacramento airport feeling no pain after a long day of client meetings and a double Dewars on the rocks. I was able to be genuinely enthusiastic about these meetings, and was thinking of working on a strategy proposal for another potential client. So that's getting back to normal, right? I'm not completely preoccupied with thoughts and feelings about betrayal and infidelity.

So does it only take 21 days to heal? No. That's stupid. I know there's a lot more for both of us to go through. What I'm realizing is that this time is for me. It's a chance for me to take a look, just as much as it's a chance for husband to do that.

I think I need to look at anger: Husband says that when I'm angry I'm scary because I don't register that I'm angry, but rather that there's something wrong with the world. I also need to look at how I process anger, because my models have mostly been toward passive aggressiveness and self righteousness, both of which I want to keep out of my new relationship with Husband. And who knows? There are probably lots of things left for me to discover.

I'm just happy that the pain is subsiding.

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